


Intro to Intellectual Property

by Haywire



Category: Community (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-16
Updated: 2014-08-16
Packaged: 2018-02-13 09:07:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2144991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haywire/pseuds/Haywire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jeff and Britta step up to help defend Greendale when it gets sued by a large corporation, since it's partly their fault it happened in the first place. Whoops.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Intro to Intellectual Property

**Author's Note:**

  * For [skieswideopen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/skieswideopen/gifts).



“I’m just saying, your sandwich shop’s menu should support gender equality, that’s all.” Britta said, entering the study area alongside Shirley.

“Britta, for the last time, just because we sell hero subs doesn’t mean we have to sell heroine subs! And besides, that kind of sounds like, you know.”

“Heroin?” Jeff chipped in. “It sounds exactly the same, minus the E.”

“No heroin, no E, no drugs at all in my shop!” Shirley exclaimed as she took her seat next to Annie.

“I don’t think I want to know what you’re talking about.” Annie said, opening her text book.

“They’re talking about selling sandwiches in Shirley’s shop, using a hilarious double entendre about drugs.” Abed explained. “It had potential for a classic _Three’s Company_ scenario but they both know what’s going on now unfortunately.” he added with a sigh.

“Can we just focus on what we came here for and start studying?” Jeff said. “We have an exam coming up and-”

“Horrible news you guys!” The Dean stormed into the study area unannounced, waving a piece of paper in one hand.

“-we’re never going to get to study for it, apparently.”

“We’re getting sued!” The Dean continued, ignoring Jeff for quite possibly the first time ever. He placed the letter on the table as he continued. “For copyright infringement for all things, if you can believe it. I mean, seriously, _that’s_ what gets us sued?”

“Who could possible be suing Greendale for copyright infringement?” Britta asked.

The Dean turned around and whipped his finger out, pointing it at the blonde. “And it’s all your fault! J’accuse!”

“What?! What did I do?” she asked.

“Well, to be fair, you _do_ Britta things up a lot-” Annie started before the Dean shushed her.

“That’s it, that’s why they’re suing us!” he said, throwing his hands in the air.

The group turned to Jeff, who had picked up the letter and had been reading it since the Dean put it on the table.

“He’s right, it’s… the company that makes Brita water filters is suing Greendale,” he managed, trying hard not to burst out into laughter. “For defaming its good name.”

“They do make excellent water filters. I think.” Shirley ventured.

“They’re suing Greendale over the use of Britta’s name? How does that even make sense?” Annie said.

“Because they somehow found out how we use Britta’s name as a euphemism for screwing things up.” Jeff said, pausing and wrinkling his eyebrows. “Wait, _how_ did they find that out, exactly?”

Abed held up his laptop, which had Greendale’s webpage loaded up in his browser for all to see. “I think this answers your question.” The site had a large banner on it, announcing the looming deadline to register for next semester’s classes, which said in part ‘Don’t Britta your schedule! Register today!’

“Hey!” yelled Britta, crossing her arms.

“Oh, _that!_ We were just trying to be folksy and cute, to get more people to enrol, you know.” said the Dean.

“There’s approximately thirteen other uses of the word Britta on the front page alone.” Abed said, counting as he scrolled down. “Fourteen… fifteen…”

The Dean closed the laptop, almost catching Abed’s fingers in the process. “Alright, that’s enough of that. I’ll speak to Garrett immediately about this.”

“I’m afraid it’s too late, they say they’re coming… wait, tomorrow?” Jeff blinked as he examined the letter. “When did you get this again?”

“It might’ve been sitting on my desk for a few days or weeks or whatever.” The Dean said with a dismissive wave of his hand. “I’ve been busy setting up the fall calendar, Jeffrey. There’s so many new courses,” He counted them off on one hand. “Intro to Game of Thrones, Advanced CSI Forensics, and How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse: The Walking Dead Season Four just to name a few.”

“Those are just classes where you watch episodes of each show, aren’t they?” Britta asked.

“Hope you have the rights to do that.” Jeff added.

“I’ll be right back, I, um.” The Dean stammered. “May have to jiggle the ol’ academic calendar just a hair. What’s that? Phone call for me?”

“No one’s calling out to you…” said Annie.

“I’m coming! I’ll be right there!” The Dean ran out of the room before anyone else could say anything.

“Right, so. We need to prep for this.” Jeff said, turning to Britta. “They’ve scheduled a deposition to take place here tomorrow, and I’m guessing Greendale hasn’t hired an actual attorney to represent them, so it’s probably down to just me.”

“There is a work term component to Law and Order 101.” Abed said.

“I did say _actual attorney_ , Abed.” He sighed and put his hands on Britta’s shoulders. “Tonight, we are going to prepare you so you can answer anything they could possibly throw at you tomorrow.”

“Got it!” Britta said, nodding confidently.

* * * * *

“DAMMIT WILL YOU STOP BRITTA’ING IT ALREADY?!” Jeff yelled, slamming his file folder on the table in front of him. They’d been practicing at his apartment for over two hours and didn’t seem to be getting anywhere with it.

“How are we even going to be prepared to defend ourselves when you won’t even stop using that phrase while we prepare?!” Britta exclaimed, waving her hands in the air.

“Britta.” Jeff took a deep breath, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. “I think you’re actually doing worse now than you were before we started to practice. I don’t know how that’s even possible, but there it is. It’s happening.”

“You’re confusing me!” she said, plopping down on the couch and crossing her arms. “Seriously, we can just stop, it’ll be ok. Probably.”

“We can’t, not until you know what you can and cannot say.” He took a seat next to her, reaching for the glass of scotch he’d refilled several times as they worked. “Look, this is serious. If they win this suit they could bankrupt the school… not that it would take much to accomplish that, really, now that I think about it.” Jeff shrugged and continued. “Or they could convince the school to remove the offending parties involved, by expelling you, for example. Or all of us for starting it in the first place for that matter.”

“They wouldn’t really do that, would they?” Britta asked, sitting up a little. “Could they, I mean?”

“You know the Dean,” Jeff replied. “If it came down to closing the school or kicking out a few students, what do you think he’d do?”

“I’m screwed.” she said, throwing herself back against the couch once again.

“See, that’s exactly the opposite attitude to have.” He put the glass back down and turned to face her. “You’re too emotional, you need to take that out of the equation altogether.”

“Oh, and be like you, Jeff Winger, icicle man?”

“No, and the term you’re looking for is ice man.”

“Whatever, I don’t care. It doesn’t matter, I’m just going to mess it up like I do with everything else in my life.” She sighed and pulled her knees up to her chin, tucking her head down.

“Britta…”

“I know, don’t be so negative.” she replied.

“I was going to say please don’t put your shoes on the couch,” Jeff said, shaking his head. “but yes, don’t be so negative either.” He hesitated and then put an arm around her, and didn’t move away when she leaned into him. “It’s going to be ok. It has to be, because it has to be. And because… you know.”

“No, I don’t.” she said, muffled slightly. Britta raised her head and looked up at him expectantly.

“Oh my god, you’re going to make me actually say it, aren’t you?” Jeff sighed and looked up at the ceiling. “Because you don’t always mess things up.” Britta grinned up at him before he hastily continued. “ _Not always_ being the operative words in that sentence.”

“Oh Jeff.” She continued to smirk, leaning in closer to him. “I… I think that’s a compliment, at least.”

“You’ll do just fine, and besides, I’ll be there to help too. We’ll get through it. We just have to be prepared for a long, drawn out battle, that’s all.”

* * * * *

“What do you mean you settled with them?!” Jeff demanded, dropping his briefcase on the study area’s table.

“Well, once they realized we were actually talking about a student here and not their fine, lovely product - which we will have in every classroom from now on, coincidentally, thanks to a no way related long term contract,” the Dean explained, gesturing to a Brita filtered water pitcher on their table. “- they backed down. Also we kind goofed and had Britta’s name misspelled on the website as Brita so, you know. _Mea culpa_ for the confusion.”

“So there’s no deposition?” Britta asked, clapping her hands together. “Awesome! BRITTA FOR THE WIN!”

“Yes, there’s- wait, do you mean Britta with two t’s or Brita with just one?” asked the Dean. “Though both are ok, I guess. Brita for the win indeed!” He picked up the pitcher and offered it to both of them in turn. “No? No takers? Ok then, more for me I guess.”

“How much money did you have to spend to make them go away?” Jeff asked, shaking his head.

“Let’s just say we’ll have to drink a lot of water for the next, oh, ten or twenty years on campus.” the Dean said with a sigh.

“Greendale really did get Brita’d indeed.” Jeff said, looking over at Britta, who was just dancing - poorly - while standing still. He smiled for a brief instant before the Dean put a glass of water into his hand.

“Seriously, though, you all have to help me justify this outrageous expense.”


End file.
